Me: “Why am I the only one who thinks about what to cook tonight?”
Me: “Why do you keep taking my phone charger and putting it somewhere else?”
Me: “You are not romantic anymore; you don’t love me as much as you did right?”
Me: “Why are you so quiet when we argue? THAT MAKES ME MAD!
My husband: “Can you listen to me without feeling offended or getting hurt?”
“I never want to hurt you, but whenever I say something, it hurts you.”
Me: “Then don’t say it.”
Isn’t marriage hard? I have been married for 5 months. Yes, it is so short, but I’ve realized that marriage is not easy at all. Marriage brings two people’s lives into one life. Growing up, I always thought that when I meet and marry the right one, life would be perfect and I would live happily ever after with that person. Well, that is true, but also not true, because marriage is not that easy. There are days I feel so lucky to be with the one I love everyday, but there are days I feel like I’m trying to mix oil and water together. Marriage takes faith, love, and change. We have to work hard in order to have a successful marriage. Hard work doesn’t always show positive results on the first or second time. But the point is to keep trying until it works.
Faith in what? Faith that everything will work out in the end? Why don’t people just live together before getting married, so that we’d actually know whether or not we get along well before committing to legal marriage? Well, then this is not marriage and marriage takes faith. Faith in your spouse, faith in the futures, even faith in yourself. But most importantly, faith in God and the Savior, and his Atonement that could bless your marriage. When all of us learn to have faith, we can overcome any challenges we may face in marriage. So, how do we keep our faith even after marriage? Do spiritual things together, keep doing the basic things daily, such as praying together each day and reading scripture often.
I’m a very stubborn and straight forward person. He is quiet when it come to arguing. If there is something bother me, I let everything out and speak my mind while he tends to hold in his feelings. We are pretty different. At the beginning of our marriage, we promised each other that we would never go to bed mad at each other or without a good night kiss or saying ” I love you”, but in reality it is harder to keep that promise than you would think. When you are mad, you just don’t want to talk to that person. Do we still love each other? Of course, we do. But love is not enough in marriage. We are not perfect, far away from perfect; we sometime say things that hurt the other. I often ask my husband “Do you really love me?” And that hurts my husband all the time because he thinks that I don’t trust him. I do, but the words just come out naturally without even thinking. I kept telling myself that I wont ask him that question when we argue, but I fail almost every time! I learned that when an argument is coming, try not to question your spouse if they love you or not because even when they say they do, the answer still doesn’t satisfy you. You are just trying to make the argument bigger. So, the bottom line is that love of course is important in marriage, but it is not enough. When we have conflicts, three words “I love you” wont solve everything, but we each need to change! Change doesn’t mean that you have to change your personality. Your personality is what defines who you are. Change means to adjust some of your habits to become one unit with your significant other.
I’m sure you’ve been in arguments with your significant other, but do you feel like you are always right? At least for me, I always feel that I’m always right because I have my own way of thinking about things. I just don’t get why other person doesn’t see things the same way as I do. Even though I might tell my husband “well, it is my fault.” In my mind though, I think it is more likely is his. Well, same with the other person, he or she surely thinks that they are right. That is when change comes! Who else hates change like I do? I hate being wrong. I hate making the effort to change. But if I don’t try to change, I can’t expect the other person to change. I learned that when I’m mad I need to think before I say anything–stop finding the faults in my husband, and try to talk things out before it is too late. Again, this doesn’t mean that I will master this. Change is a process. You will find yourself fail almost every time. When you are angry, you wont remember or care about your resolutions or goals. All you can think about is how he needs to say sorry, and I need to make a cold face for at least a day so he will know that I’m not an easy person. But as you keep trying, the process of change will become a habit.
Isn’t marriage hard? But it’s all worth it. You are not alone, but you have someone there to listen and support and love you all the way. Marriage takes faith, love, and change. It is a hard process, but as you work hard and never give up, you will have a successful eternal marriage.
My husband: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “I’m sorry too. Are we friends now?”
My husband: “yeah.” We shake hands each time we end the argument.